While the majority of us attempt to achieve our ideal body through calorie-restricting and the occasional run, rapper Jody Highroller, more commonly known as Riff Raff, has taken a decidedly different approach. Back in March, Riff Raff made a public announcement that, with the help of multiple-time wrestling champion Hulk Hogan, he would achieve his “Versace” goal weight of 240 pounds and join the WWE.
Witnessing Riff Raff’s transitions throughout the past few months have taught us quite a few things about eating and life, as well as inspired us all to consider professional wrestling as a career path. In short, his training diet has been insane. Not only does he consume ridiculous amounts of food, but his crazy food guidelines and pairings have also sparked the interest of bros and foodies alike. The journey from 170 pounds to 240 has been paved with nachos, seafood feasts, and some very odd snacks.
Here are 13 golden rules of extreme eating we learned from Riff Raff’s Instagram:
Forget breakfast for dinner—it’s all about dinner for breakfast.
Ever wake up disappointed that it’s 8am. and you have to wait at least four hours before consuming your next burger? Riff Raff wants you to throw out all those preconceived notions of what a morning meal should look like by eating whatever you please—anytime, anywhere.
Don’t be afraid to order the whole menu.
No longer will you have to pick and choose which menu item you want to indulge in at a restaurant. With Riff Raff’s (probably) patent-pending diet, you can have it all—literally.
Sugary snacks should be always be chased with even more sugary drinks.
Typical healthy eating guidelines suggest cutting out all sugary liquids, for they are seen as “empty calories.” On the Riff Raff diet, you can munch on some banana Twinkies then chase them with a Big Gulp and a Fanta. What more could you possibly ask for.
Late-night pizza is a must.
Most dietitians frown upon late-night eating; Riff Raff encourages it. Always eat a pizza a day if you want to become a Versace GAWD.
Take the ‘see food’ diet very seriously.
Riff Raff’s a seafood fanatic. It’s the oldest joke in the book: He sees food, and he eats it.
Don’t be afraid to multi-task.
When your future career depends on your figure, you have to make time to eat—even if it means a three-course meal in your bathtub.
Healthy should be a subjective term.
As long as there is something green on your plate, you can dub the meal “healthy.”
Feast so hard that people name sandwiches after you.
The goal is to inspire others and become a neon icon.
Don’t forget to give back.
Although Jody Highroller has experienced an immense amount of success throughout his journey, he hasn’t forgotten to give back to the country that made him a star (and probably inspired him to eat the way he does).
Remember: morning workouts mean you can eat whatever you want for the rest of the day.
ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT A HEALTHY BREAKFAST AND WORK OUT EVERY MORNiNG THEN THE REST OF THE DAY EAT PiZZA AND SNACKS AND SHiT AND THEN AT NiGHT DRiNK BEERS AND VODKA AND GET PiSSY DRUNK AND PiSS YOUR PANTS AND FiGHT YOUR BEST FRiEND THEN WAKE UP iN THE MORNiNG WiTH 2 BLACK EYES AND SAY “WOW LAST NiGHT HURT” THEN GO EAT A HEALTHY BREAKFAST TO REPLACE THE ONE YOU BARFED UP AT 4am
To get a body like Riff Raff, all you need to do is eat a ton, work out in the morning, then get wasted at night. Pretty sweet deal.
Soak up the philosophical lessons of feasting.
THE FUNNY THiNG ABOUT LiFE iS PEOPLE WiLL COME AND GO AS THEY DAM WELL PLEASE iF THEY DECiDE TO UP AND LEAVE BECUZ THEY THiNK THEY FOUND SOMETHiNG BETTER THEY WiLL UNLESS YOU LOCK THEM iN YOUR HOUSE OR GiVE THEM MiLLiONS OF DOLLARS BUT BBQ FOOD AND DOGS WiLL STAY THERE AND ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED THEM
Your diet will not only change your body, but it will also enlighten your mind. Remember: people may leave, but food is forever.
Don’t stop even when you’re too big to fit in your Lambo.
TURKEY AVOCADO BACON SPiNACH OMLET WiTH THOUSAND iSLAND DRESSiNG AND SWEET POTATO WEDGES YOU HAVE TO EAT MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY SO THAT YOU CAN GET TO 250 POUNDS iTS A LONG ROAD AND ALOT OF WORK iN THE WEiGHT ROOM BUT MOSTLY EATiNG AND HANGiNG OUT BY THE POOL SO THAT YOUR BODY CAN ABSORB ALL OF THE FOOD AND THEN WHEN YOU ARE SHOPPiNG FOR A LAMBORGHiNi THEN YOU REALiZE OK WELL THiS MiGHT BE TOO SMALL FOR MY BURLY BOD BUT THEN YOU REALiZE YOU CAN GET THE DROP TOP LAMBO AND HAVE MORE SPACE AND ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO BUY ANOTHER CAR THATS WAY BiGGER SO YOU CAN RELAX AND DONT HAVE TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE AT A 90 DEGREE ANGLE SEATiNG ARRANGEMENT RiDiNG AROUND iN THE LAMBO ALL DAY SO DONT BE AFFRAiD TO SWiTCH iT UP AND MAYBE GET THE NEW 2015 ESCALADE OR WHATEVER YOU WANT AND REMOVE THE BACK SEATS AND PUT A MATTRESS iN THE BACK SO U CAN SLEEP AND EAT GUSHERS WHEN U WAKE UP
It just means you get to buy another car. You can install a mattress in the back, take a nap, and eat Gushers when you wake up.
Say no to broccoli bars and celery sticks.
U CANT GAiN 230 POUNDS OF PURE MUSCLE MASS BY EATiNG BROCOLi BARS AND CELERY STiCKS YOU GOTTA EAT 4400 CALORiES A DAY LiKE THE NEON iCON AND U GOTTA LiFT BiG WEiGHTS AND DRiNK MOUNTAiN DEW & MONSTER ENERGY AT LEAST 4 DAYS OUT OF THE WEEK THE REST OF THE TiME iM DRiNKiNG BEERS, TAKiNG NAPS iN TREE HOUSES AND WRESTLiNG ALiGATORS & BABY CHiMMY CHUNGA WOLVES
Vegetables will not help you reach your goals.