Cooking shows have reached an entirely new level of ridiculousness. Chopped pairs broccoli with chocolate, coaxing chefs to create dishes that no one with taste buds would ever willingly want to try. Thanks to celebrity-chef shows like Top Chef, Master Chef, and whatever other bastard child spin-offs they’ve got going on these days, chefs are continuously turning the shock-value up to 11 on your TV screens.
So when we came across a cooking competition that we’re actually down with, we were pretty stoked. In this wonderful cooking-competition satire from the Uptight Citizens Brigade, chefs were given organic, biodegradable underwear from Whole Foods as the secret ingredient they would be cooking with. Because “All undies are edible undies if you know how to cook ’em.”
Chefs Tyler Cord, Jeremy Parker, Allison and Matt Robicelli all take part in this wonderfully hilarious slight to network cooking competitions (plus, there’s a rumored appearance by the anonymous ShitFoodBlogger). The NYC toques come up with an array of dishes all actually involving the stretchy ball huggers ranging from a Vietnamese-inspired salad to an Ethiopian fruit dish to the aptly named General Tso’s Underpants.
Much of the issues the chefs have stem from battling the underwear’s elasticity and subsequent chewiness. Something that the judges, one of which they “found on craigslist” who was wearing a BDSM full coverage head mask with zipper mouth, often commented on when trying to actually chew and swallow the elastic bites.
While each of the contestants dishes were equally underwear-y, there was one dish that stood out among the others when it came to the judges: the Ethiopian-inspired “Birth of America” sangria fruit salad ceremoniously birthed out of a watermelon and served from the underwear.
Sidebar: how much does middle judge remind you of James Oseland from that angle—amirite?
You’ll have to watch the video above to see whose undie cuisine reigns supreme. We’ve satiated our daily need for satire, are kind of wondering what underwear chewability is like, but most of all, we’re hoping that this is only the beginning of a UCB cooking show series. Watch your back, Tom!