According to the New York Post, Scarsdale resident Jason Bietsch was arrested at the end of last week after stealing as many as 100 gumball machines all over the Bronx. The 39-year-old man didn’t care whether they were big or small, and he clearly DGAF about security cams, either, since a bunch of security videos helped police catch him:

On February 5, an employee at a Wash & Dry laundromat in Parkchester caught Bietsch trying to carry a 75-pound gumball machine away (for the record, that’s pretty damn heavy). 

“I was tending to the customers, and I saw a guy running out with the machine. I chased him and he told me, ‘I’m going to bring it back.’ ”

According to witnesses at several crime scenes, Bietch posed as a gumball machine repairman. The Wash & Dry employee got suspicious because he knew that Bietch didn’t work for Great American Vending, his gumball machine supplier.

Why steal gumball machines? Police sources believe that Bietsch was reselling the machines to feed a drug habit, although details are not yet clear. Isn’t it easier to steal Tide detergent? Either way, Bietsch has been charged with the theft of three gumball machines so far, located in Norwood and Mott Haven, reports the New York Daily News.

Mei Laundromat and Drycleaner owner Mei Lin shared a familiar story with NYDN about the theft of her double-decker, five-dispenser, $1,500 gumball machine:

“They had a car out front. They came in and said they were from the company. They said they were here to replace the old machine with a new one. They took the machine and never came back.”

After the theft, Lin called the vending company and found out that she wasn’t the only victim.

When asked about her son’s alleged thefts, Bietsch’s mother told NYDN,

“I don’t know anything about something so stupid. I don’t have a single gumball in my house.”

Police haven’t charged an accomplice yet, although by all accounts Bietsch did not work alone. What we want to know is: Why gumball machines, specifically? We’d obviously never suggest that you steal anything. But if you were going to, would reselling 75-pound gumball machines be your first choice?

This Twitter user had the most apt response we’ve seen yet:

https://twitter.com/yaelbt/status/568489257909796865

Although Stan Lee doesn’t really need help, sometimes NYC writes its own comics.

[via the New York Post, ABC7 NY, New York Daily News]