Here’s how to avoid finding a pubic hair in your dinner: Don’t order it right before closing time. Austin Symonds—a Papa Murphy’s employee in Georgetown, TX—was so frustrated at a last-minute order that he rubbed his testicles on the customer’s uncooked stuffed-crust Hawaiian pizza, an act of revenge worthy of a Kevin Smith film. Unfortunately for him, the hungry customer walked in and caught the young clerk teabagging his Hawaiian pie. Keye TV reports the following exchange then took place.

“He confronted Symonds, who then apologized. He asked Symonds his age, and when he responded with 18 he stated, ‘So you are old enough to know better than to put your balls on someone’s pizza.’ Symonds responded by saying, ‘Yes.'”

A shamefaced Symonds was forced to admit his spiteful yet hilarious actions to the store manager as well as the police. He has been charged with tampering with a consumer product and released on $10,000 bail, reports HuffPo.

Despite the criminal charges, Symonds should be grateful that all he got from the wronged customer was a tongue lashing. Recently in Tucson, AZ, a hangry man in the drive through line at Taco Bell was so enraged at missing the breakfast cut off that he assaulted the woman who ordered before him, breaking her nose and front teeth a few weeks before her wedding.

Like we said: Never, ever order food right before closing time.

[via Keye TV]

RELATED: Exclusive interview with the kid who had sex with a hot pocket