In today’s totally unsurprising news, Stephanie Smith of 300 Sandwiches just got a book deal with Random House’s new imprint, Zinc Ink. You may remember Smith as the woman whose boyfriend agreed that she would make him 300 sandwiches, and he would put a ring on it. She began a blog with the slogan, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Somewhere in the world, Gloria Steinem died a little.
In a New York Post interview, Zink Ink’s head, David Zinczenko, said, “When she told us about her romantic, passionate, and very funny quest to make her boyfriend 300 sandwiches, our first reaction was, “That’s a book.” We bet it gets made into a romantic comedy starring Kerry Washington and Alexander Skarsgard next. And you thought Eat, Pray, Love was miserable.
Smith just makes sandwiches. Her’s are not the gourmet kind, they’re what you make yourself while hungover on Sunday afternoons. What is she revolutionizing—ways to kill feminism?
This is not to say that bloggers don’t deserve their own cookbooks. There are plenty of charming, innovative culinary figures on the internet. And a few that we like to laugh at. If we were handing out book deals, the cookbook shelf would look very different.
Here are a few ideas for much better Internet celebrity cookbook deals. Let us know what you think, Zink Ink.
Seductive Fruit Blogger Loni Jane Anthony
A direct quote: “Banana cereal! 4 Frozen bananas blended with vanilla and dates till frothy, then add 3 sliced bananas and cinnamon on top.”
What you could expect: Fruit salad in watermelon bowls and recipes that begin with “Drink 3 litres of water, and let that sit for awhile.”
#Struggleplate Instagrammer @CookingForBae
Why: Cooking for Bae, run by a mystery poster, shares the worst of the Internet’s attempts to cook meals for the people they love. The Instagram often features burnt hot dogs, grey goop, and mixed meats.
A direct quote: “That clever bae . . . using hot sauce to cover up the mystery meat. Kudos.”
What you could expect: Grilled chicken and vegetables, lasagna, and other normal meals with ingredients that someone had to shop for.
Supermodel Chrissy Teigen
Why: Chrissy Teigen is a supermodel and wannabe chef who runs the blog So Delushious. We fangirl about her all the time because she drunk Instagrams and sometimes shows the authentic Thai dishes that she makes.
A direct quote: “So far ordered: guy-talian nachos. dragon chili cheese fries. vegas fries. motley que ribs. buffalo meatloaf. volcano chicken. pork sliders.”
What you could expect: Bacon cooked in a stick of butter, scallops seasoned with rare Thai spices, cameos of John Legend barbecuing and many pictures of Puddy the dog.
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