It used to be that as long as you ordered steak medium-rare and knew how to pronounce a couple French wines, you could get along just fine in culinary circles. But these days, every coffee meeting and dinner party is a potential mine-field of decisions that threaten to expose your unsophisticated palate to all your Foodie Friends. Don’t be fooled—despite advocating for humane treatment of farm animals and joining anti-fracking groups on Facebook, this a remorseless bunch who will sell you down the river the second you order that plate of truffle mac and cheese.

To help you avoid such a ignominious fate—or, alternatively, to give you ammo to piss off your least favorite snob—here is a guide to things that foodies will hate you for liking.