Who is Jay Rayner, you ask. Why, he is the food critic at the Observer, author of The Man Who Ate the World, frequent talking head, and a dude who openly doesn’t care about anonymous reviewing. Jay Rayner is also the undisputed Simon Cowell of the restaurant critiquing world: he’s mirthlessly mean, raucously ruthless, and funny at everyone’s expense—including his own. Maybe it’s his sour British blood, or that the blinding lights of the TV sets he frequents have induced a fury of Camus proportions. And, while Rayner makes regular appearances in our #Knivesout series covering the bitchiest lines in restaurant reviewing, he is so prolific in his ire, we thought he deserved a post all to himself. Happy Monday.

Click through the gallery to read Jay Rayner’s 15 most vicious lines.