Food-as-sex isn’t the most original of extended metaphors, but food-as-sex-ed? Surprisingly effective. The good folks at KB Creative put their spare kitchen supplies to use, demonstrating the myriad differences between porn sex and real-world sex with cucumbers, avocados, and a very classy accent. Spoiler: porn isn’t very realistic!

Most of the factoids are pretty predictable—no, not all dudes are well-endowed and not all women are hairless—but stick it out to the end and you’ll find some strange stuff, helpfully illustrated with a trussed-up chicken. Click through for your daily dose of almost-literal food porn; you’ll never look at Nutella the same way again.

[via Gawker]