This mind-blowing article announcing that testicles (among other organs) have taste receptors on them was posted a whole hour and half ago, so at this point most readers have probably received an email/Gchat with the link, captioned with something like “OMFG!!1!!!11!”

Since the headline instructs us to do with the news what we will, here’s what the First We Feast team made of the earth-shaking revelation that balls can (kinda/sorta/not really) taste things. Without further ado:

  • “Would Pete Wells’ nuts have been so critical of Guy Fieri?”
  • “Rene Redzepi is somewhere right now working on a beer cooler filled with umami vapor to dip one’s balls into.”
  • “Now we know why Richman’s reviews always seemed off.”
  • “Ah, yes, the old ‘Bourdain Hollandaise Gambit’.”
  • “Wait, you thought ‘Lucky Peach’ was a literal translation?”
  • “There has to be less unseemly way to write YOGURT TO TASTE-TEST WITH BALLS on July’s expense report.”
  • “And yet, they still can’t tell the difference between Shiraz and Merlot.”
  • “*Books table for three at Per Se* *Shows up alone*”
  • “*Dips gonads into hot ramen* *Dies slow death*”
  • “Too bad Bruni already wasted BORN ROUND on his memoir.”
  • “I worry that I actually know what my boxers taste like and just don’t realize it.”
  • “My testicles have probably never tasted anything good, except that time I was eating pizza naked and dropped a slice.”
  • “*Asks Siri where to take balls to dinner*”

ballssiri

[via Jezebel]