With kids sucking on vegan breast milk lollipops and starting food blogs at the tender age of six, the road to epicurean wankery is shorter than ever these days. But most of us were born before the age of the foodie took hold, and we now find ourselves somewhere in the middle of that journey, adapting as best we can to a time when admitting you don’t know what sous-vide means is like admitting you don’t know who John Elway is.

Exactly how far along the path are you, and where do you have to go from here? Click through the gallery above to witness the complete life of a foodie, from mom’s teet to the final, artery-clogged dirt nap.