On a recent trip to Ireland, Conan O’Brien visited the Guinness Storehouse with no other intention but to have a few free pints of stout. Of course, he was thwarted from getting to his object of desire right away. Instead, he had to take the full tour of the factory. Undoubtedly used to questions about trying Guinness, the guide is patient with a somewhat petulant Conan, who repeatedly remind her that he’s just there for the beer. Here’s a taste of CoCo’s experience via the best quotes from the segment:

  1. Outside of the brewery: “Everyone thinks I’m here to shoot a funny remote segment, but actually I’m just here for free Guinness.”
  2. Standing in front of an indoor fountain: “That sound you hear? That’s a lot of people urinating after a lot of Guinness.”
  3. “Look at the snake on top [pointing to a harp with a carving of a snake with its mouth agape]. Look at his face. He can’t believe I had to wait this long for a pint of Guinness.”
  4. At the Wall of Fame with photographs of celebrities visiting the brewery: “This is the president having some Guinness, just before his first debate with Mitt Romney.”
  5. Conan found a photo of Paul Rudd on the wall: “Look at him smiling. That’s a guy who got free Guinness.”
  6. Still at the wall: “I think most of these people did not have to go through a whole tour. I think a lot of them got their Guinness right away. I think the president got his Guinness right away. I think Jorge Garcia got his Guinness right away. But me? I’ve taken through the history of oats, barleys, grains, hops. I’ve watched them grow. I’ve watched you till the field.”
  7. Finally at the bar, he has to learn the six steps of a good pour: “I tried to make Guinness myself once at home. I took a loaf of pumpernickel bread. Put it in the blender and then buried it in my yard for about six weeks. I got sick as a dog.”