15 Dessert-Inspired Coffee Drinks That Prove We’re All Doomed

These diabetes-in-a-cup beverages confirm our suspicion that coffee and dessert should remain separate entities.

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  • Iced Birthday Cake Latte. Seattle's Best wants you to "let your inner child loose and celebrate your birthday every day" with its Iced Birthday Cake Latte. This sugary beast is a petrifying concoction of coffee topped with vanilla-flavored whipped cream, white chocolate shavings, and colorful sprinkles. Basically, it's a cake in a cup that doesn't even come with a candle. (Photo: Seattle's Best, The Kitchn)
  • Cinnabon Keurig K-Cups. No time to head to Cinnabon for your AM sugar fix? Keurig's got you covered with its Cinnabon-flavored K-Cups. These ridiculous single-serving coffee pods allow you to simultaneously sip on your coffee while enjoying the taste of a frosted pastry. (Photo: Business Wire)
  • Coffee Jelly Frappuccino. We can do bubble tea, but the idea of coffee jelly swimming in the bottom of our Frapp just doesn't fly. Available only in the Asia Pacific region, Starbuck's Coffee Jelly Frappuccino combines a creamy frozen coffee base with a topping of thick whipped cream. Underneath it all lies a bed of jelly made out of actual brewed coffee. Talk about textural overload. (Photo: Arjanshahani, Babble)
  • Mocha Chillatta.  Cinnabon  has "combined coffee, chocolate, and ice so you can drink your cares away with this dose of deliciousness." Because drinking more than your suggested daily intake of fat and sugar will absolutely push your cares away. (Photo: Cinnabon)
  • Guy Fieri's Flavortown Roasts. Have you ever wondered what Bananas Foster would taste like in coffee form? Neither have we. But, apparently, Guy Fieri thinks it's a great idea.The food personality has released a line of Keurig K-cups that features flavors that came right out of your grandma's oven: Bananas Foster, Caramel Apple Bread Pudding, Hazelnut Cinnamon Roll, and Hot Fudge Brownie. (Photo: Huffington Post)
  • Biscotti Mocha. The folks over at Caribou Coffee think they're clever; instead of giving you biscotti with your coffee, they give you the sweet treat in your brew. The mocha drink has a base of espresso and steamed milk, and features flavors of amaretto, pistachio, and vanilla. (Photos: Brand Eating, Love and Olive Oil)
  • Tiramisu Frappuccino. Leave it to Starbucks Japan to roll out a Tiramisu Frappuccino that's so thick it requires a wider straw to sip out of. The drink comes with a coffee Frapp base topped with crunchy cocoa biscuits, white chocolate brownies, and "cream cheese mousse" instead of whipped cream. Game-changer right there. (Photo: Brand Eating)
  • Caramel Flan Latte. Starbuck's Caramel Flan Latte was the company's first new drink of 2014. It features a mixture of espresso, steamed milk, and caramel flan-flavored syrup. It's topped with whipped cream and a caramel flan drizzle. The drink was tested early last year in select locations across the U.S., so apparently people are into coffee flavored with sweet egg custard and a boatload of caramel. (Photo: To Infinity and Beyonce)
  • Iced S'mores Mocha. For those of you who have sudden cravings for s'mores but don't have access to a campfire, Seattle's Best has your back. The coffee house offers a S'mores Mocha monstrosity that comes topped with a tower of whipped cream laced with mini marshmallow bits, graham crackers, and ribbons of chocolate syrup. (Photo: Seattle's Best, Urban Strawberries)
  • Cookie Dough, Butter Pecan, and Jamoca Almond Fudge Iced Coffee. Dunkin' Donuts has partnered with its sister company, Baskin-Robbins, to release a line of ice cream-inspired coffee drinks. The lineup of flavors includes Cookie Dough Coffee, Jamoca Almond Fudge Coffee, and Butter Pecan Coffee. They might as well have thrown mint chocolate chip, rocky road, and cookies and cream into the mix. (Photo: Daily Meal)
  • Chocolate Pretzel Mocha Frappuccino. The Chocolate Pretzel Mocha Frappuccino is another example of Starbucks Japan's mastery of the art of cramming dessert into a coffee cup. While the base of the drink is a standard mocha mixture of chocolate syrup, milk, and espresso, the Frapp is topped with a mountain of whipped cream, crushed chocolate almond chips, pretzel bits, and a drizzle of chocolate syrup. (Photo: Brand Eating)
  • Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Dulce de leche is a thick caramel-like sauce made of milk and sugar, and Krispy Kreme thought it was necessary to infuse a latte with the South American confection. The Cinnamon Dolce Latte features an espresso and steamed milk base blended with a sweet, buttery cinnamon flavor, and topped with whipped cream and dusted with even more cinnamon and sugar. When we order it, we're going to ask for extra sugar because there's OBVIOUSLY NOT ENOUGH. (Photo: Krispy Kreme, Ecuadorian Foods)
  • Irish Creme Iced Latte and Mocha. For St. Patrick's Day, Dunkin' Donuts unveiled the Mocha Irish Creme Latte, which features the flavors of Irish coffee mixed with caramel syrup and chocolate. The only thing that would make this drink sound slightly appealing to us is if it came with an actual shot of whisky. (Photo: Brand Eating)
  • Chocolate-covered Strawberry Frappe. McDonald's has also felt the need to turn desserts into drinks, buzzing up a mocha base with strawberry-flavored syrup, chocolate chips, whipped cream, and a drizzle of strawberry syrup that has a very unappetizing red hue. We believe McDonald's when it says that conquering the drink is like "completing a strawberry, chocolate, and whipped cream triathlon of indulgence." We also believe that it could take a triathlon or two to burn off those calories. (Photos: McDonalds,  The Dessert Spot)
  • Red Velvet Latte. Red velvet is essentially buttermilk cake with cocoa powder and food coloring. Think of that mixture in your coffee. We wish Dunkin' thought about it too before unleashing their Red Velvet Latte. The coffee take on the classic cake is essentially a regular mocha with an unappetizing reddish-brown hue—plus a topping of whipped cream cheese.  (Photo: Serious Eats, Simply Scratch)

It’s more than a little disconcerting to see toffee syrup, chocolate chunks, and sprinkles pop up in coffee drinks. Personally, we enjoy our coffee black or with a bit of milk.

But coffee companies around the world are determined to turn coffee into dessert to turn profits—after all, not everyone likes coffee, but most people like sweets. Seattle’s Best offers a birthday cake “latte,” while Starbucks has started shilling Tiramisu Frappuccinos.

It seems as if every ubiquitous coffee house has entered the race to see who can put out the most sugar- and fat-filled concoction, spiked with everything from Cinnabons to white chocolate brownies. As opposed to the one calorie you’d consume in a cup of black coffee, the sugar-filled drinks featured here contain between 500 and 1,790 calories. And somehow, these companies still have the audacity to call their creations “coffee.”

You may be familiar with caramel macchiatos and whipped cream-topped mocha frappes, but trust us, there are some pretty terrifying drinks out there that make run-of-the-mill mochas look abstemious.

Click through the gallery above to see some of the most sugary—and downright cringe-worthy—dessert-coffee hybrids, from Bananas Foster-flavored K-cups to birthday cake in latte form.

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