Bottle Popping Guide: 25 Ways to Drink, Saber, and Spray Champagne

From Michael Jordan to Diddy, peruse these gold standards of bubbly-guzzling protocol.

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  • The Michael Jordan way, part 1: Stogie? Check. Bud Light chaser? Check. Complete confidence in your superiority to all other humans? It's a celebration, biiittcchhheeess.
  • The Jersey Shore way: Drink. Say an annoying catchphrase. Repeat ad infinitum.
  • The Guinness Book of World Records way: Who's got the stopwatch?
  • The redneck way: Get rachet with the hatchet.
  • The Kobe way: Wear aggressive leather jackets to protect your skin from the deluge.
  • The hot girl way, part 1: Do it like this and no one will complain about getting sprayed.
  • The Nas way: Keep calm and carry the fuck on.
  • The Jay-Z way: Gold bottles, scold models, spillin' Ace on my sick Js.
  • The Dipset way: The goal here is maximum homoeroticism.
  • The Chris Bosh way: Study the technique, it's flawless.
  • The state trooper way: You don't have to practice safe sabering when you ARE THE LAW.
  • The Michael Jordan Way, part 2: The fam here? The drink here? The girls here? Well fuck, let's get it then!
  • The Swizz Beatz way: Grab the nearest mic and just start yelling.
  • The huge dork way: Safety first (no lie, she
  • The royal way: What you'll need: 1) Sword. 2) Uniform. 3) Exuberant blond princess.
  • The hot girl way, part 2: Bubbles and bubbly, can't go wrong.
  • The Diddy and Rick Ross way: Sharing is caring.
  • The motorsports way: Try to be as awkward as possible, and make sure you give your keys to the designated driver.
  • The Michael Jordan way, part 3: Always reciprocate a champagne shower.
  • The stealth attack way: Shots fired!
  • The Diddy way, part 2: Magnum, jeroboam, mathusalem—doesn't matter, they should all be listed as "serves 1."
  • The Alton Brown way: Bowties are key to sabering like a gentleman.
  • The small child way: No one has to know that you adopted the kid last month and made him train 8 hours a day for this moment.
  • The Charles Barkley way: Be sure to shoot as much champers as possible directly into your face, then say something unintelligible for added laughs.

We’ve told you which sparklers to buy for in preparation for the celebration tonight. We’ve shown you the hangover cures you can employ to deal with the aches and pains of tomorrow. But what are you going to do when the clock strike midnight?

Possible correct answers: Open champagne bottles with swords, spray bubbly all over your best friends, guzzle straight from a magnum, and/or all of the above. When it comes to effective champagne celebrations, many have come before you, so there’s no point in reinventing the wheel. Click through the gallery above to see 25 ways to pop bottles—choose your favorite and have a very happy New Year, friends!