Nothing begs the question “Who are these people?!” quite like a slideshow of outrageous real estate. And the collection of in-home bars rounded up by Zillow for Bloomberg is beyond outrageous—it’s a jaw-dropping collection of (mostly) terrible home-decor choices. So we couldn’t help but fantasize about the kind of person who actually thinks saddles in lieu of bar stools is a good idea. Click through the gallery above for our (completely fictional) profiles of the men and women who own their own personal watering holes.