A man interrupted a burglary at his home in Madison, Wisconsin earlier this week—one that couldn’t have been more Wisconsin if it tried. In the end, the thief made off with two items: cheese and beer.

The burglar was 37-year-old Kelly L. Mayer, who had stuffed the man’s laptop into a backpack, then tried to block the door to keep him from coming in. The man then wrestled the backpack away from Mayer and pushed her out the door.

Madison Police spokesman Joel DeSpain told the Wisconsin State Journal that Mayer then “responded by eating a chunk of cheese. Cheese that had been in the victim’s refrigerator.”

remy cheese

The dairy thief fled down a nearby bike path, toward which witnesses directed police moments later. Mayer had doused herself in perfume during the break-in, which still lingered in one of the bedrooms of the house. Police were able to track Mayer easily because of the scent of this perfume.

When police caught up with her, she also had a can of Guinness sticking out of a pocket—unopened. Police also found some money and other electronics taken from the victim’s home in the thief’s pockets.

Our favorite part of the police report has to be this sentence: “While the Guinness can was full, it did appear she had been drinking.”

Unfortunately for the intoxicated Mayer, she also couldn’t remember where she’d left her cell phone. When police called it, they found it inside one of the burglary victim’s kitchen cabinets, where she’d left it as she searched for…cheese? Sausage? More beer? Only Mayer knows for sure.

Unsurprisingly, police arrested Mayer on a tentative burglary charge.

[via the Wisconsin State Journal]