Each time you read something in an advertisement, do you believe it? For example, did you ever drink Red Bull and wait for wings to sprout out of your shoulder blades so you could fly? Don’t answer that question.

Either way, because Red Bull once advertised that “Red Bull gives you wings” (when it actually doesn’t) the company has now settled two class-action lawsuits and says it will mail a $10 check or send $15-worth of Red Bull to anyone who drank the energy drink in the last 12 years.

Seriously, fill out a claim form right here. [UPDATE: Red Bull’s settlement page couldn’t handle the traffic. After defaulting to a 404 page last night, it is now a completely useless host page. TIME magazine figured out why.]

All in all, Red Bull has agreed to pay $13 million to American consumers in the settlement. According to BevNet and Law360, the false advertising suit argues that Red Bull misleads consumers about the superiority of its products with its slogan “Red Bull gives you wings” and its claims of increased performance, concentration, and reaction speed, to name a few. The suit goes on to say,

[pullquote]“Such deceptive conduct and practices mean that [Red Bull’s] advertising and marketing is not just ‘puffery,’ but is instead deceptive and fraudulent and is therefore actionable…Even though there is a lack of genuine scientific support for a claim that Red Bull branded energy drinks provide any more benefit to a consumer than a cup of coffee, the Red Bull defendants persistently and pervasively market their product as a superior source of ‘energy’ worthy of a premium price over a cup of coffee or other sources of caffeine.”[/pullquote]

What do we have to say to the plaintiffs? This is pretty ridiculous, but thanks for getting everyone free $cash money$. 

makeitrain

In other news, energy drinks like Monster and 5-Hour Energy have been linked to consumer deaths. But that’s, like, way less of a big deal than lack of wangs.

[via BevNetLaw360Grub Street]