Wired‘s Lore Sjöberg sees only irony in soda brands trying to hawk drinks with specious health benefits. We all kind of know that making soda “healthy” is a bit like putting tomato on your double cheeseburger, but Sjöberg seems to derive particular pleasure in pointing the incongruous aims of Coca-Cola and Pepsi. Let him count the ways. Here are a few thoughts from what amounts to a slam piece on the soft-drink industry:

  1. He notes that the precursor to Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi as we now know them began around 1958 when Royal Crown Cola launched Diet Rite as an attempt to make its offerings healthier. Pretty soon, “Coca-Cola followed with Tab in 1963, and Pepsi started selling Diet Pepsi in 1964, so if you’re wondering why Americans have been getting steadily slimmer and more healthful since the mid-’60s, now you know.”
  2. He calls Coca-Cola BlāK “a coffee-tinged cola for people who feel the sudden urge to drink something terrible.”
  3. When it comes to Pepsi Special in Japan, Sjöberg finds “even for a nation known for making all foods available in cuttlefish flavor, that’s pretty gross.”

[via Wired]